Baby's First Christmas

Our first Christmas as a family! That is a Christmas present that nobody can beat~not even Santa! For your first Christmas we went to Leavenworth/Lansing to spend it with your grandparents and aunts/uncles and cousins. You were so happy to see everyone and loved your presents... a cabage patch, a couple stuffed animals, some books, some toys, and of course clothes. Best of all was our matching hats!

Ours

December 21st, 2009 at 2:48pm- this is the day you legally became Charly Reese. Up until this day you have been Baby Girl H****** otherwise known as Charly. The day you were born, 4/27/09, the minute you were born, 6:15 am, you have been ours. You were given to us before you were even born by the kindness and love your birthmother showed both you and us. We were the first ones to hold you and feel you, to kiss you and hug you, to tell you how lucky we were to have you and how much we loved you and would always love you. Going to court to finalize our adoption was a wonderful thing. We walked into the courthouse with our little girl and walked out of the courthouse with "OUR" little girl. This was the day you legally became ours and made us a family, but since the second I saw you, you have been ours. Thank you for being born and for making us a family! Thank you for being Charly Reese Koppen. Thank you for being ours!

punk love

We rushed home. So completely nervous. Were we seeing our dreams come true? I remember trying to shut my eyes and imagine how it would all play out in a flash. I remember meeting some wonderful woman that was pregnant and promised me her baby. I remember never having to worry about whether or not I would get you. I didn't want to open my eyes and face reality and the difficult road we had ahead. We got home and wanted to call, but didn't because we didn't know what to expect. I had to just do it. I had to just make myself sit on the couch and open my cell phone and D I A L the number. I did it. It rang. She answered. On the other end of the phone was the sweetest sounding girl I had ever heard. She was a doll over the phone. Very polite, very kind, and very soft spoken. Our conversation was short. We decided on lunch the next day at Chilis and that we would pick her up, and best of all she wanted to bring her daughter... your sister! I got off the phone and just sat there... smiling. I couldn't believe this was happening. I couldn't believe how fast it had happened. This just doesn't happen for people and definitely not us!
I imagined all afternoon what she looked like and where she lived and what did she like. I wondered about her. She gave me her address so we waited till evening to drive by. We didn't see much since it was dark. I remember going home from our drive and getting on the internet...I went straight to myspace and searched for Jessica and holy cow.... there she was. My mohawked angel. The girl I thought was so soft spoken was on myspace with a mohawk. I saw her. I saw him. I saw your sister. I fell in love.

Jessica

We finally got a call back from Mary, our attorney on Saturday morning. I could not write to you how the conversation went because I didn't hear a word of it! My mind was in a million different places thinking of a million different things and you were at the top of the list. The one thing I did hear was that she was wanting to meet with us so we could explain the "story" up until this point. We scheduled to meet with her a few times and each time it got cancelled by her due to some reason or another. Then she called us with the news that a birth mother had left a message on her machine and mentioned our name. We new it was your birth mother and we new she got the information from our profile book and the letter I sent along with it. We were ecstatic! The door had already been opened and was just opening wider and wider. When Mary called us with this news we immediately set up a meeting with her the next day, on a Friday (March 27,2009) at 1pm. Now the weekend that was coming up was the weekend your dad's family was coming to visit. We had planned a family girls weekend at the lake for shopping. This was the last thing I was thinking of. Normally I would have been frantic to clean the house and get things perfect for our visitors, but all I could focus on was going to meet with Mary and finding out information. Well Friday at noon came when we set off in our car to go meet with her in Columbia. We got there early and drove around talking. We were nervous! We didn't know what we would find out and we were scared of what we could find out. When we got to Mary's house (that is where her office is), we went in and introduced ourselves and sat down at her desk to start filling out paperwork. While we were doing this, Mary got on the phone and said she was going to call up your birth mother. While we were filling out paperwork and acting like we didn't want to be rude and listen to someone else's conversation, that's all we were doing. Mary called your birth mom and set it up for us to take her to lunch the next day. She told your birth mom that we would be calling her when we got home to set it up. She asked us if she could give us her name and if she was serious about placing you for adoption. We anxiously waited for the call to end so we could hurry up with what we needed to fill out and get home to call her! Well... Mary got off the phone and said that your birth mom sounded very interested in going forward with the adoption, she said that she would like for us to call her and invite her to lunch and that she would like to bring her daughter along, and then she told us that her name was Jessica! Jessica. We left Mary's home and got in the car for our ride back home and we just sat there in the car...silent! We didn't know what to say we were thinking too much. Was this really going to happen for us? As silly as it sounds now, we thought at that moment that it was. We were going to have a baby. We were going to start our family.

We had a lunch date to make!

Coincidence

After I dropped off our profile book to the doctors office and didn't hear anything I thought that it was over. I thought we had lost you. I continued to talk to my friend Sara for any kind of updates and reassurance, but conversation after conversation I was getting more and more frustrated. Sara would tell me how the doctor didn't want to get involved and how she had a family member that wanted you. The only good news that came from our conversations was that I did know that the doctor gave your birth mom our profile book. That gave us hope!
It seemed like ages went by and I remember going home on a Friday from work and when I got out to my car I had a message from our doctor (Dr. L****) wanting to know our attorney's name. First of all, why was this doctor calling me and second of all, OUR ATTORNEY? We needed an attorney fast, and by the time I got home from work (a 7 minute drive) I had called Kim to try and get the number to Mary, our soon to be attorney. I was given her name months before from Candace, who had adopted through her and I had contacted her briefly at that time. Our conversation was short and to the point. Mary told me then that when I had a baby in mind to adopt, that is when I should contact her. Well... now was the time... I had a baby in mind. I called her immediately and left a message that went something like this, "Mary, this is Jennifer, I talked to you awhile back about adopting and now we have a potential adoption situation. I received a call today from my doctor wanting your contact information, could you call me as soon as possible?" My mind was spinning... what was going on? Why was this other doctor calling me? Was it about you, and if it was, how did she know about you? And Lord... please let Mary call me back....!
Ok... long long long story shortened... Dr. L**** (my doctor) was calling about another baby she knew of for adoption (not you!) and Mary finally called me back Saturday morning (more on that call later!). Was it a coincidence that Dr. L**** called me and kick started us into getting an attorney? I don't think so. I think it was part of His plan. He knew what he was doing that day and he was setting everything up for us to meet.

Da Da

When you say this your dad lights up. I know that you have no idea what you are saying, but it makes us feel good to think you are calling his name. Today is the day your da da should be leaving for Iraq. Boy God has been great to us...your dad is still here. Your dad and I have been together since we were in high school. We are the best of friends. We always have been and we always will be. When we decided to have a baby we decided together, and when we decided to adopt...well... that was kind of a different story. It took some convincing on my part to get your dad on board, and to convince him, I would tell him that "it would take us awhile"... little did we know that when we started the process after January 1, 2009 our daughter would be born 4 months later. How did that happen? You were meant to be ours. We have said that since day one, and we will say that forever. There is no doubt in our minds and our hearts that you weren't made for us, you were! You even look like us. (people tell us that all the time!)
Last week your dad said something to me that words can't describe. We were talking about a guy that works with him that was talking about adopting and asking your dad stuff about it. He asked "was it worth it?". When I heard that I thought that it was the dumbest thing I've ever heard.... was it worth it. It was worth every minute of it. Every tear. Every pain. Every worry. Every excitement. Every single bit of it. Then he asked your dad how much it cost. Your dad told him that days before we heard about you, we were going to send 12,500.00 in to an agency that had a total price for adoption of 25,000.00. At the time we were about to do this, the thought of paying that much money made your dad a little nauseous. But when he told me about the conversation with the guy at work and that he told him, "at first I was shocked that it cost so much to adopt a baby, but after we got Charly, there is no amount of money I wouldn't pay for her." This statement just made me smile. Your dad said, "I would pay double or triple what we paid to get our Charly." Your dad loves you. He beams when he sees you. He melts when you laugh, and his eyes light up when you smile. When you are sick he hurts for you. Your dad is the best.
He is still here and we don't know for how long, but for now we will soak up our time with da da. You will call his name in the morning, call his name throughout the day, and call his name when you are up in the middle of the night. There isn't a second in the day that your dad doesn't want to hear it, and when he leaves he'll long for the first second he can hear it again. Your dad loves you so much and you will always know this.

7 months...

You are 7 months old this month and I have lots of writing to do to catch up. As I held you in my arms tonight before I laid you down to sleep I couldn't help but think of how much you have changed my life. You have made me the happiest mom ever. I can't believe how fast you are growing and how fast the time is going by. You now have almost 3 teeth that have come in, one for sure, a top tooth! Everyone thinks that it is funny and especially your dad, who likes to call you "snaggle tooth". Tonight I got a message on my computer from your birth mom on my myspace. It takes me back to 8 months ago when I was wondering who your birth mom was.

After we found out you were out there somewhere, all we could think about was how to find you. I remember two days went by after hearing from Shay and wondering what I could do to get to you. I remember feeling completely panicked that I couldn't let you go. So on the second night I called my friend Sara (who ended up being your nurse when you were born) and asking her if she knew about you. Immediately she got as excited as I did and paged your birth mom's doctor to find out. It seemed like eternity but we got a call minutes later that night from Sara again telling us she had talked to the doctor and it was true, you were out there! The more we thought about you, the more we knew you were ours. It seems funny to think that now, and even kind of foolish, but we really felt it. Sara told us that the doctor did have a patient (your birth mom) who was going to give her baby up for adoption. She said you were a girl. Now for us that was especially exciting, since everyone in our family had boys. Sara told us she gave the doctor our contact information and told her we had been wanting a baby for a long time. After our conversation I expected the doctor to get in touch with us...which she never did. But we kept fighting!

A few more days went by and nothing... not a word. I knew you were still out there and I was still fighting for you. I went home from work with a letter I had typed up to give to the doctor. I had planned to drop it off at her office along with our profile book we had made days earlier. I did it. I got the stuff together and dropped it off at the office with the receptionist. That book held the key to you. That book was precious to me... it meant me getting you. I meant your birth mom looking at it and realizing you were growing inside of her for us.

I so wanted to meet your birth mom and more importantly see her belly to know you were there and growing! The crazy thing is, in a few short weeks I would.

the call...

I remember the evening I was home making spaghetti for dinner and I got the call. The call that would change my life. The Call!
Shay (my boss and friend Kim's daughter) was calling to tell us about a potential adoption situation. All she knew was that there was an 18 year old girl who was pregnant with a baby girl and already had a baby and was going to place her baby up for adoption. I remember the pot of water with spaghetti noodles in it overflowing as I tried to stay calm and told Shay "please give them (whoever them was) my information. I am very, VERY interested." I got off the phone looked at Andrew and we freaked out. Only 2 1/2 months earlier we had decided to pursue adoption.... and we were planning on a long road. We had met with people who adopted and heard horror stories and never could have imagined it would come easy. We had spent about 3 years trying to have a baby, and loosing 3 and now could this possibly be? Could this be our baby? For some strange reason it felt like it was. We didn't know how this worked, we were scared and cautiously hopeful!!! "Causiously hopeful... a phrase that a doctor once told me about the baby growing in my belly"... but this hopeful was a hopeful that felt good... Immediately I called my mom, which I pretty much do when I find out anything... even though I didn't really know anything I new enough! I new that there was a baby out there that I wanted, that I dreamed of, that I cried for and prayed every night I would get! I new that the baby girl that was growing in someones belly was growing for me, that she would be mine and in some funny way I really believed it. I really believed that this was going to be my daughter... little did I know that I was really right. My baby was growing and in 6 short weeks I would cut her cord and watch her take her first breath and hold her in my arms.... this was a call I'll never forget!